I’m sure it’s not a complete waste of money… right?

I’m going to start this one by pointing out that I know as much about art as I know about the life cycle of a squirrel – absolutely nothing. As a result, there’s a reasonably large chance that everything I write below will sound completely ignorant to anybody who does actually know stuff about art. I apologize for that in advance.

I appreciate looking at paintings and stuff as much as the next guy. I mean, I find it very easy to get bored if I’m in an art gallery, but it can be entertaining for a while. I’ve been to the National Gallery in London a few times, and I can just about stick that because there are some pretty decent things in there. I like the modern stuff.

What astonishes me however is how much money people are willing to pay to get their hands on a piece of artwork. I’m mentioning this now, because I recently discovered that somebody has spent just under $87,000,000 on a single painting. Eighty-seven million dollars. That works out at about £54,000,000 in GBP. Try as I might, I can’t get my head around why someone would do something like that. More money than most people will ever have in their lifetime, on a piece of canvas that they’ll hang on a wall in the corridor of their mansion.

I once bought my mum a painting of a cartoon cow for £5 as a bit of a joke one mother’s day. She loves it, and I don’t feel bad about spending a fiver on it. But $87,000,000 seems a little excessive. That’s not even the best bit – check out the painting –


That’s right. For $87,000,000 I’d expect something as rare as a naked portrait of Queen Victoria’s sexy 21 year old niece. Not something that I could go and get for free by giving a few primary school children a paint set. It’s called “Red, Orange and Yellow.” Ignoring the fact that, actually, there isn’t any yellow in the painting, It’s alright to look at. If I owned it, I would probably put it somewhere nice so I could see it as I walked past (or sell it if it was worth that much). But seriously.

What about charity? Instead of spending $87,000,000 on that, if I was desperate to get rid of it I’d give a load to charity, go on a nice holiday – or as Steve Martin suggested on twitter, buy a private jet. Then, I would find some primary school kids and give them a paint set. Best of both worlds.

Like I said, I know nothing about art. Perhaps somebody who frequents galleries and converses about brush strokes whilst sipping champagne on the yacht of someone distantly related to DaVinci would know better – perhaps they’d see an abstract sunrise, or a five-legged panda. Who knows. Right now though, my mind is very much blown by somebody spending that amount of money on a piece of artwork.

I guess all I have left to say is this – for $87million, try not to get anything on it.


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