It’s going to be weird this Christmas.

I guess the ‘I won’t post until after Christmas’ part of yesterday’s entry didn’t last very long. My bad. The have-a-good-Christmas-and-all-that message still sticks though, despite what is probably going to be a depressing entry today (sorry in advance for that).

I’m someone who, nine times out of ten, likes change. Things need to change for us to move on. Take traffic lights, for example. But on that one time out of ten that I don’t, it really hits me. I have no explanation for it, and it comes out of nowhere. A lot has changed these past two years for me, both bad – the death of my grandfather, and my parents’ divorce – and good – starting University for the first time, making new friends, and getting a dog. Christmas this year is going to continue that process of change for me.

I’m 20 years old. For the last 19 years, Christmas has always been a family time for me. I don’t care about the presents that much; Christmas is a season to spend time with the ones you love and share the day together. Don’t get me wrong – I’m the first person to put up the decorations and shove the turkey in the oven – but family takes priority. It’s always been the four of us, but that’s going to change. For a start, dad’s not coming home until Christmas Eve. The season of family time has changed into a brief 3-day-at-most period of brother time plus divorced parents. Their divorce really didn’t – and still doesn’t – affect me that much. They needed it, and I get along well with the new people they’ve met as a result of it. It’s just this time of year that makes it a little difficult. Not only that, but my brother’s girlfriend is joining us for the morning.

My brother’s girlfriend is the nicest person you’ll ever meet. She’s friendly, outgoing, just of those genuinely nice people. Which is fantastic. But my favourite part of Christmas day has always been the cheesy two hours or so when you wake up, make breakfast, open your presents and blast Slade’s Christmas song loud enough they can hear it in Japan. It won’t be the same if it’s not just the four of us. Which is fine, I guess. But for the rest of the day, it’s honestly going to suck. My brother will shut himself in his room with his girlfriend, mum and dad will either be drunk enough to stay in the same room and cook a huge meal – i.e too drunk for me to want to talk to them – or be sat opposite ends of the house pretending to be too interested in the book one of us has just given them to notice anything else. And then there will be me, and the dog. I like the dog, but it’s hard to have a conversation when I don’t bark and he doesn’t speak English, no matter how hard he might try.

So it’s going to be weird. It won’t be a family time, it’ll be a day where we wake up as individual people, spend the day as individual people, and go to sleep as individual people. I’m so grateful for the family I have, don’t get the wrong idea. It’s just not the same as it has been, and this change is going to take some adapting to.

Or maybe I’m just being silly.

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